Coltons Wild Weekend

So I guess I should fill everyone in on what exactly has gone on this weekend. Colton has been a little sick, not really but just a little, so I really wasn't too worried. On Saturday, I needed to go vacuum out the van and get a prescription filled. Tom and I were going to go on a date that night and my parents were going to watch the kids. I got to the carwash and vacuumed out the van. I was in the back fixing something with Dylans tv when Chloe said, "Mom, water is coming out of Colton's mouth." I wasn't too worried cause I had given him a bottle of water. When I looked at him, his lips were blue, his eyes were rolled in the back of his head and he was convulsing. He was having a SIEZURE!!!!! I tried to get him to notice me and "come to" and it wasn't working. I grabbed my cell hit 911 and pulled him out of his carseat. I talked to the 911 operator for what seemed like an hour but was probably only 2 minutes at most while waiting for the ambulance. It felt like the loneliest moment of my life. I was alone with a limp baby, who if it wasn't for his breathing I would have thought he was dead and two very upset children wondering what was wrong with their baby brother. Chloe just sat silent and scared looking at him and Dylan started crying for his brother to not choke and not die. I felt so helpless and scared on the side running board of my van. The ambulances....3 plus some private cars....show up and I hang up and call Tom who was supposed to be on his way to teaching a gun permit class. To my surprise he was across the street at the gas station! Can you believe it? So they get him into the ambulance with Tom riding along with him. Drex, my father in law and coltons grampa, took my van to his house with the other two kids so they would be outta the way and not scared. I drove Tom's truck to the hospital. Tom was so emotional, I felt so bad! On the way to the hospital, I called my folks. I meant to call my dad first but accidentally called my moms cell. I knew my mom would be upset, and she was. I called my dad and filled him in. I got him all checked in and we got a battery of tests done. There was nothing to indicate why he had a seizure. That is when we knew for sure what we didn't want, it was epilepsy. It is genetic on my side of the family. The same problem that contributed to the death of my uncle Jeff. I can't even begin to describe what it was like to watch all of this poking and pushing and pulling and up and down and just everything going on to my little 18 month old baby! I certainly hope that noone reading this will ever know the feeling. My parents showed up, they both looked so scared. The doctors, Tom and I decided we would like for him to stay overnight in the hospital. We just felt a lot better. I would spend the night with him and Tom would go home with the other kids. We hung out for a while got put into his regular room and just held him and loved on him. I decided I better go home to get some clothes and other personal items. On my way back, my mom called to ask me something when he went into another seizure. Lets just say, if you were in Cedar and a silver minivan just about ran you off of the road, I am sorry, but I was driving like crazy to get to the hospital. Luckily, the doctor was in the room when it started. I got there and sat down in disbelief...what in the world is wrong with my baby boy?!?!?!?! Two seizures in one day? Are you kidding me? The doctor started to talk to me and then he told me, "We are going to do a spinal tap" That scared the CRAP out of me. They told me I should leave due to my aversion to needles. I left trying not to lose control of my emotions, and went to get something to eat. I came back and heard my baby crying and lost my appetite. My dad, I and Tom sat in the waiting room trying to stay positive, but it wasn't working too well. I went in and saw my little man on the bed just as limp as when I held him waiting for the ambulance. At least he was in a place where he was safe. I had to change his diaper cause as they were getting him ready to have the spinal tap, he loaded his diaper. That was the one funny that happened. Mom said that all five people leaning over him let out a collective peeyew! As the evening went on, Tom went and got the kids, I guess he broke down, and my folks left to go home. We moved Colton to the crib and I tried to sleep..yeah right! He did finally wake up at 3 and then managed to puke all over the crib and myself at 330. We were up and down for the rest of the night and then we had some breakfast. I finally fell asleep for a few hours and then we had some lunch when Tom and the other two kids arrived. Colton seemed to be ok. So I had Tom stay at the hospital when his folks got there while I went home and washed some clothes and got some things together. I came back to the hospital and Cam and Jamie were here. Colton then puked everywhere all over Tom and the bed. Jamie helped me clean the baby up. My Mom showed up and then Tom, Cameron and Jamie left. Tom went home to get cleaned up. We hung out with the kids and Colton puked all over again, this kid was just having an issue. Tom showed up and took the kids over to his folks' house and then Colton had diarrhea then fell on his but and made a mess all over the floor. K now it is starting to get comical. He is now on a clear fluid diet. But he is doing well. Tom came back to the hospital and my mom and I went to dinner, just the two of us and it was so nice to just get away for a grown up moment. I came back and Tom went home and then later my Mom went home. Whitni and her mom Taya were on their way back from Salt Lake so they stopped in to see him. He was pretty happy to see her. Now here I am, still in the hospital, and ugh. There is so much to think about. He has to go to vegas or slc to visit a pediatric neurologist. He is on fenalbarbetol (i can't spell it and I don't want to check the spelling so sorry!) He is doing so much better but I am trying to not get too excited. But I have to be hopeful. As a mom you tend to second-guess yourself. Things like, what did I do wrong? Is there something I could have done different? I can say with 99% certainty that I couldn't have done anything different. But there is always that nagging doubt. I even question whether or not I should have called 911, maybe I could have just made it to the hospital myself, but I know pretty surely that there is no way that would have ended well so I guess I did the right thing. Being a mom is so damn hard sometimes. Them little ones know how to rip your heart out. I am trying to keep things positive, I am lucky that I was in town cause if I were at home it would have taken ten minutes for help to get there. I am also really lucky that Tom was across the street at the time, and that his dad was with him. As my aunt put it, I had a lot of angels helping me. My grandpas, grandma and uncle Jeff. And I am sure that there were folks on Toms side watching out too. God sure did guide me. He kept me from a complete meltdown and kept my senses with me. I am shocked at the calm I was able to maintain. I am just bracing myself for the delayed come apart that I am sure to have. At least I will be home when that all happens. Mothers day is this coming weekend. I know what I want.So there is the story. Hopefully we will be coming home tomorrow. We will see tho. I will keep you all posted. Thank you God, for keeping my baby safe.