uh huh

K, I am not quite where I wanna be physically. But I want to document this journey so I can look back and laugh. I took some before pictures when I started this. The following will show you what months of hard work look like. I am not at a place mentally where I feel ready to post full shots of me in nothing but a bikini. But I did manage to get a bikini top on. But FIRST here are the dreaded pics of me in June 2009. This is what 1 year and a half of depression, over eating, not being physical and letting yourself go after having a baby look like. From the front and from the side. This is so GROSS! I am cringing at the thought that I am actually putting these out there for you all to see. But that was when I hit over 210 pounds. Today I am about 180. But before you wonder what happened, let me remind you that I am working out for at least an hour 4-5 days a week a lot of which is strength training. AND my diet is limited to 1400-1500 calories a day, when you eat that little you make what you eat count! So say hello to protein, fresh veggies, fresh fruits and whole grains. Muscle weighs more than fat and I am losing inches. I have lost one inch around my stomach in the past week. So here is me today. I am not a skinny minnie but you can tell that I have been working hard. You can see most of it in my face. This is extremely uncomfortable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Self Induced Torture

Ok, well the holidays came and are long gone. They were nice and simple and perfect. :) With the coming of the new year came the realization that I hadn't lost the last twenty. I still wasn't in the mental mode to do it so I put it off. Then one morning came the AHA! moment. I got on my scale and 10 of the pounds I had lost had magically reappeared! This was in February. After the dreaded 34th birthday. I decided it was time to kick it in gear and get this butt of mine in shape. I got online and saw that Gold's Gym was having a free 7 day trial period. I thought, "What the heck" I wasn't about to commit to a one or two year contract but 7 days might help. I filled out the online form and within 5 minutes they called me from the Gym in Cedar. Wowzers! They asked if I could come down the next day so I hauled Colton and myself down there in the morning. We discussed my options, goals, etc and then I found out that they had a new non commitment program where you pay month to month and you can leave at any time. It cost $1 to join and it was $29 a month after that. It would be $21 but you see I have these little rugrats that will need to use the childcare. I decided to sign up. Part of it was a free session with a Personal Trainer. So within the week I met with this guy. I am highly motivated and really want to know what I need to do. Well he kicked my butt. Oh...Wow. An ex-military fella. I hated every second of it, but loved it too. I asked about maybe a few more sessions to get me on the right track. He was really the head "trainer" so he assigned me to a guy, "Luigi" and got me a deal. I have met with Mr. Luigi two out of my 3 times. Nothing like a muscle clad 23 year old to push me beyond my limits. I have been feeling the burn. However I panicked when I saw I was GAINING weight. Despite the fact that I was on a strict 1400 calorie diet and exercising all the time. The trainers said that it was a good thing, I should be happy cause it is muscle. Oh alright!!! Still, kind of a shocker. I have also been instructed to stay away from the scale. No problemo!!! I have done a couple of classes, there is one instructor who is a beast. You walk out of there exhausted, dripping with sweat and you swear you are going to go straight to the hospital after leaving that class. I also tried Zumba. Everyone I know swears by it. I thought it was fun, but it just doesn't seem like my cup o tea. I will try it again. Colton LOVES going to the gym cause his "friends" are there and he can play with toys. Every now and then the other two join him in there. But I like to go in the morning because it isn't such a meat market then. Oh and a bonus....FREE TANNING! You bet!

My other motivation besides the impeding summer season, is that I am going on Vacation! YAY! My brother has been in New Jersey for around 8 years. I have not been there yet. PATHETIC! So I decided it was long over due that I pay the Butthead a visit. I will be flying from Vegas to Philly, one stop in Chicago, on March 22. I am so excited! That is less than two weeks away. I will be meeting up with some friends in the Philly area that night and then my bro is going to come pick me up. He is supposed to be getting leave while I am there so we can go all over. He plans to take me to the Philadelphia historical sites, NYC, Atlantic City and then we are also hoping to make it to Washington DC. The one place he hasn't been. There is so much that I want to do like go to the little New England towns, particularly ones with major historical significance. Doubt we will get all of it done, but spending time being idiots with my bro, more than makes up for that! I will be going alone. It will be so much fun just us being "tourists" and spending time together. I haven't seen him in 2 years! Then I come back on the 29th. Which I should be sad, but, my brother is flying back with me. YAY! He got a ticket on the same flight as me. He is getting a bunch of leave because in May he is going over seas.