Dentist

Normally a trip to the dentist is uneventful. For the regular person. But there is nothing normal about my life, so why should a routine dentist trip be any different. It was a family affair today. I have a never ending issue with my teeth. Dylan had a cavity, and well Chloe just has a mouth full of those buggers. I decided to schedule us all for the same afternoon. I was hoping Tom would be home in time to keep Colton, no such luck. I called my in-laws and they were busy all afternoon and had company coming over. I called my sister-in-law, the other Jamie Parry, and she was sick. No one was able to watch him. Oh well, my problem, and I was going to have to make it work. I loaded up the kids, and Tom called to say that he would come by the office and pick him up as soon as he could. Well I get there, and I am the first one to head back. There is a play area for kids in the office, but Colton didn't want to leave me. So the older two stayed in the play area while I took lil muncher back with me. Got me all juiced up and filled in. Colton was surprisingly well behaved and I thanked my lucky stars. They already had Dylan in the chair when I was finished and Chloe was next. Dylan is a trooper and does ok, so I wasn't too worried. They gassed up Chloe and luckily Tom showed up just as Dylan was finished up. He took the boys home and I braced myself for the onslaught that I was SURE was about to come. I did everything I could think of before hand to make sure it didn't get too ugly, I even bribed her. If you know my daughter, she is a hellion and a loud one at that. I told the dentist, this was going to be a challenge. He laughed and said, "Thanks for the warning." I could feel myself tensing up, glad I had taken a Xanax, cause I have a fear of needles, and needed it to stay calm to show my kids, "Nothing to it." I sat in the chair, ready to jump up. She refused to open her mouth until I sat down. Little stinker. I saw them put the needle in, and she didn't budge. What? Chloe? Hello? She didn't make a sound, didn't budge NOTHING. WOW!!! When he was done she looked at the dentist and said, "That didn't hurt." Kind of like a dare. There was a collective chuckle there. I was able to relax, and the dentist got to work. Chloe laid there and just watched Kung Fu Panda that they had on the ceiling mounted TV. I was shocked to say the least. As we left, she started talking about how her lip felt funny and how every time she goes to the dentist, it doesn't hurt. She had been so scared going in, she even brought her dolly to help her, and she clutched the doll until it was time. To say the least I was relieved that it went so well. She and I get to go back in a couple of weeks, for more work. And then probably again after that. I was so proud of my little girl. She was so brave and didn't make a sound. My boys were great too. Dylan was in and out so quick and Colton sat there and charmed all the nurses and assistants. He is a flirt. I am one proud Mama.

One Upmanship

Today I decided to take my kiddos to the park. It was a beautiful day, in the low 80's with a slight breeze. We went to the park, Whitni included, and then I stopped at the store to buy some much needed items. I was checking out when the lady ahead of me in my line, came up and said, "You have amazing taste in teams." I looked down and saw that she was wearing a broncos t-shirt. As was I. It was really cool. Then, the competition began.

Her: "I have more stuff than you can imagine"
Me: "I don't know about that"
Her: "I have a signed football from 1980"
Me: "I have 2 Eddie Royal jerseys, one signed and my son has Terrell Davis"
Her: "My husbands company has season tickets."
Me: "My family has season tickets"
Her: "I have a flag"
Me: "So do I"
Her: "I have over 20 t-shirts"
Me: "I have a Bronco sticker that takes up the whole rear window of my van, right above the
Broncos license plate frame"
Her: "I have Broncos cereal, an alarm clock and a lamp"
Me: "My Mom has Ed McCaffrey mustard, goes to at least one game every year, and even has
the seats from Mile High in her back yard."

Sorry, Mom, I had to pull out the big guns. She couldn't really top that last one. Meanwhile, my 17 year old step daughter and her daughter of approximately the same age gave us both "SHUT UP ALREADY" looks. We chatted for a bit, it was all in good fun. When I got to the front the lady checking me out said, "That was entertaining." Everyone got a kick out of it. Maybe I have a new friend to add to my Broncos family.

Comparison

Now it is time to show what a difference a year can make. I am going to do a side by side comparison of me. On the left we have me in the spring of 2009. That is when I was about 200+ pounds. On the right we have me a few days ago. I am about 40 pounds lighter and feeling a LOT better. I am in a healthy BMI, and am not considered over weight anymore. It is such a relief! Granted, these aren't full body pics, but you can still see it in my face. I didn't make my goal weight for this summer, but that is OK. I still made some great progress and am looking forward to being to my goal weight sometime this fall. I am just so surprised that I didn't realize how chunky I had gotten sooner. It snuck up on me. I had used every excuse in the book, favorite being, I just had my third child! You can only use excuses for so long before you say, "I am FAT time to fix it." Starting tomorrow, I am back on my exercise and food watch routine. I am not dieting again. Diets and me don't work. I am way too stubborn. Even when I tell myself I can't eat this or that, I defy MYSELF to show MYSELF that I do what I want! Anyway, thank you so much for all the encouragement. I have the greatest people in the world in my life. :o)

Escape

After my little sad episode last week and the ultimate wake up, I decided to take my children to the library. Well the older two, because I wanted to actually experience the library rather than chase a two year old around. While the kids were in the children section of the library, I started browsing the books. I am stubborn when it comes to reading. If you tell me I have to read it, I won't. Like school or book clubs are not for me. If I am assigned reading in anyway, I will avoid it til the last minute. I guess it is my strong will playing out. I don't really understand why but it is that way. I don't care how interesting the book is I find a reason not to read it til the last minute, and even then, it is just a skim through. Anyway, back to the subject. I had heard about a memoir by Carolyn Jessop called Escape. A book that detailed the life of a woman raised in the FLDS. I decided to check it out. HOLY FLIPPIN COW! This was a good read. I finished it within a couple of days, it is easy reading tho. Being that I grew up right next to the towns of Hildale, UT and Colorado City, AZ, this book kinda has some meaning to me. These Polygamists were a constant in my world. No one really believed that this was a reality until you would drive them up to these towns and show them. I remember as a teenager seeing girls that were around my age either pregnant or carrying around babies. They dress like they just stepped out of a Little House on the Prarie set. Southen Utah frequently gets well above the 100 degree mark in the summertime and these women are dressed in layers of clothes and dresses down to their ankles, long sleeves and high collars. As I got older I began to realize the disgusting way these women were treated. I volunteered for a time at a Women's shelter, and that really opened my eyes. These women were severely abused. Emotionally, physically and sexually. It was awful to hear their stories, even worse was that they really didn't see anything wrong with it, because they were living the way God wanted them to. I am still in disbelief that this was happening in modern day America. The evil in me tho does like to indulge in standing up to a man from this community. They are condescending to all women and when one of them starts barking at me about whatever I like to remind them that they are not that important. I remember a friend of mine telling one, "Sir, I am not one of your wives, you canNOT talk to me that way." Hilarious to see the looks on their faces when a woman can dish it right back and he can't do anything about it.

Let me get one thing straight. I am all for freedom of Religion in this country. I am not necessarily against polygamy if all parties involved are consenting adults. Which is not usually the case here.

So reading this book was a little extra fascinating cause she mentioned the area I grew up in. She would mention a place and I could picture it. She even was able to attend the same college as I did. I wonder if I ever ran into her or her husband. I felt sorry for her. The way the other sister wives treated each other was awful. The way the older daughters were towards her was very bad. Most of all her husband, Merril Jessop, was disgusting. He married her out of a business arrangement with her Dad. Sad thing is, he wanted her younger, 16 year old sister, but got the names mixed up. She is the mother of 8 kids by him, and the fourth of his many wives. During the length of the book there were 6 wives, but since he has married more. He was abusive and fed the flames of the evil ways in which the family was toward each other. And for being such an outstanding citizen, he is considered the leader of the group that up and moved to Texas! This book also details her escape. The struggle but ultimate relief she experienced. How much we take for granted! Even hugging your children and showing them any affection is frowned upon. Really, I can't comprehend how people can be this way towards each other. But it is the way of life up there. And when Warren Jeffs took over, it got really bizarre up there. I remember hearing things about how he wouldn't allow red in the community, all children were pulled from school, his sermons would get leaked out-talk about creepy. He was a racist and I heard one of his sermons say how the blacks were dirty and evil. They say truth is stranger than fiction, and in this case it is. Little side note, when he was ultimately captured he was in a red SUV, wearing shorts and then my brother's best friend ended up on his jury.

To play the devil's advocate, I must say that this book is written from Carolyn Jessops view. I don't recall her mentioning herself participating in any of the abuse in the home. I wonder how she could not be that way if she was raised in this cult? I wonder what she left out? However, if she is in fact innocent of any of the blame, then good for her!

I would love to write a whole lot more, but this is already getting too long. If you are interested in cults at all, this is definitely a must read.

Heroes in Heaven

So in my last post I mentioned a blog that I was referred to. Well the author of that blog said that I could mention her and her blog. If you want to read what helped me realize that my life was easy compared to many out there go read Heroes in Heaven. Thank you Colleen Terrill. And God bless you!

Perspectives

Today was one of those days for me. I can't really explain it. Anyone who has battled depression might understand. From the moment I woke up I just had this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I laid there in bed listening to Dylan and Chloe doing their "chores" so that they could go over to their cousins house. Eventually my bedroom door opened, "Mom can we go to Tyson's house?" I gave a very un-present like answer of "Yea, be back by 11." I listened to Colton yell at me and try to make me get up. I just couldn't drag myself out of bed. It took me a half an hour of contemplation to finally force myself up. I got Colton out of the crib and methodically did the morning routine. Get dressed, change diapers, pick up a little, comb my hair, make up. But no matter what nothing made me shake that "impending doom" feeling that I get. Feelings like something very bad is about to happen, or someone is out to get me. Anxiety. I knew I was feeling a panic attack coming on but I was being stubborn and thinking, "GET A GRIP!" I went and took my daily Zoloft dose and then finally decided, "What the hell?" And took a mild dose of the Xanax. I don't like to take the Xanax when there isn't another adult around. But time has taught me that I need to listen to myself when the warning signs are there. Xanax has done the trick on taking the edge off of it all but the sadness was still all consuming. With that sadness comes anger. I should be happy! I have a very good life! I know it is a condition that I have, but come on! So I kept myself busy being the Mom, taking care of kids, dishes, laundry, bathroom cleaning, vacuuming. Usually if I can keep myself occupied, my mind will wander and I will forget all the whining in my head. It helped but I still couldn't shake it! Then I figured, this is just not a good day in my mind. So I went to the computer and logged on. One of the groups I have created on facebook sent me to a woman's blog. A Mother, who had lost her son a few years ago in a go cart accident. I won't name them out of respect for their privacy. She wrote a detailed description of the day of the accident and the motions that she had to go through the following days. It was heart breaking. I cried for her. I never met her, but wanted to go find her, hug her, and tell her I was here for her. I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child. She even describes her life now, and the grief is still pretty raw. Yet through reading all of this sadness, my life regained the perspective it usually has. I am overall a happy person. I realize how lucky I am. It was as tho God was showing me what I needed to get out of the funk. Thank you Lord! So now, I need to go salvage what is left of today.