New Year

It is already 2010 tomorrow? Wow this year has flown by! I have had my ups and downs. Downs? My baby having seizures and spending a few days in the hospital was my main low. That along with many other little things sent me into a deep depression. Ups? My baby is fine thanks to great doctors and the help of God. Kids are thriving in school, Tom is doing well in his shooting and work and I have been having fun. I have met up with some people from my past that I never thought I would ever hear from again. And I weigh almost 40 lbs less than I did a year ago. Overall it has been a good year. I am hopeful that next year is even better.

I hate the word resolutions. So I don't use it. I prefer to use the word goals. I figure it is time for me to list what I want to accomplish in 2010.

#1. I want to continue my fitness regimen and reach my previous set goals by June. I am serious when I say I want to look hot in a bikini at the lake. It is doable!

#2 I want to better manage my finances and be more secure.

#3 I want to spend more time outside. Up in the mountains or on the rocks, just anywhere being active.

#4 I want to take more pictures of my life. My family, my home, my adventures.

#5 Keep up on my blog. A MINIMUM of once a week.

So there you have my goals for the year. They seem simple enough but a little challenge. I hope next year I am writing this blog and saying that I have made all of them happen.

Happy New Year to you all. I hope you all get what you want and need out of life. Love to all!

Dad's

I was listening to the radio in the car today and a commercial came on that I had heard many times before. It is for the National Fatherhood Initiative, or www.fatherhood.org. It has a bunch of kids standing around bragging about what amazing things their fathers can do. I love that commercial. There is something so sweet about kids, especially little boys, bragging about their Dads. Listening to my 8 year-old talk about his Dad, is something that always makes me smile. So much love and admiration. He loves spending time with him, and tries so hard to be like him. I really admire the Dad's out there that take time for their kids. Even Step-Dads who don't have to, but as the Brad Paisley song says, "I hope I'm at least half the man that he didn't have to be." I realize how lucky I am that the Father of my kids is so involved. I know too many who don't have anything more to do with their kids then mailing a child support check each month. Tom is always playing with them. He is a big kid really. He loves the video games, loves to go out exploring with the kids and catching lizards and snakes, and is there as often as he can be for school functions and meetings. I recall one time where parents were invited into Dylan's class to help with gingerbread houses. I called Tom to see if he could be home in time so that I could go, and he called me back and said, "I think I want to go help Dylan if that is OK" Of course it was. So Tom and Dylan made an alien gingerbread house. Things like that stick with kids. Tom is always doing something with one of them it seems. He will play dolls with Chloe, takes a real man to willingly do that, and building blocks with Colton. He has never hesitated to change a diaper and if I have had a rough day, would get up in the middle of the night to feed a crying baby. I am so grateful for him being such an amazing Dad. I also know that if something were to happen and we were no longer together that he would be just as involved as he is now. There is nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. I know there are so many Dads out there that are like that. If you are one of them, I want you to know how much us Mom's appreciate it. It takes a real man to actually be a "DADDY" to his kids. To tell you the truth, there is also something quite "sexy" about it. There is that cliche about men using babies to catch women. And guess what? It is true! It shows a sensitivity and a true manliness to us females, so keep it up cause it will probably work! ;o)

Anyway, to all you fathers out there who make time for your kids, keep it up. You are making a very vital and great impression on your kids.

Great Christmas!

Another Christmas has come and gone. And this year it was wonderful. The past two years stunk to high heaven. This year was fun. To recap, two years ago was awful because I had lost my Uncle and my Grandfather within two weeks of each other. Last year I spent praying to the porcelain god. I was hoping for a great year this time and it was. I was up until 3 am Christmas morning, running interference to excited children. I must admit, there was something sweet about it. I woke up at 6 just in time for my folks to appear. They like to come up and see the kids get their Santa gifts. After hanging out and watching the kids play on the new Wii, my folks headed home and we went to Toms parents house for Christmas breakfast. It was neat seeing everyone. The day I got married I inherited a huge family. I have nephews who are almost my age! I also have great-nieces and great-nephews, so with everyone there at once, it was quite busy. It was neat! After a while we headed down to St. George for Christmas dinner with my parents. Whitni came over and we opened some more gifts with them. We then had a wonderful dinner and hung out some more and then headed home. Needless to say that going on such a small amount of sleep I was exhausted. Couple that with running around with three kids and their excitement, I was ready to drop. As soon as we got the kids wound down, I hit the hay and ZONKED! Today we are being lazy and not doing much, just enjoying watching our offspring play. As far as my gifts go, I got some nice things. I am a pretty happy camper as far as that goes. I don't want to brag, so if you want know 'what' I got, send me a message and I will tell you. Things aren't really what is important as remembering that Jesus is the reason for the season! (But they are fun...) I hope everyone reading this had a wonderful day just as I did. I hope your new year brings you peace and happiness. And as a Christian I would like to add a reminder of what it is I am celebrating;

Luke 2:9-12

And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. (10) And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. (11) For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. (12) And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.”

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I don't know what the next couple of days will bring so I decided to write my Christmas hello, today, 2 days before Christmas. While Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, my favorite day is actually Christmas Eve. I love the excitement in the air, and the way it seems we can all take a deep breath at the end of it. My kids make it even better. How excited they are. While of course they are getting gifts and such, we have decided to take it easy and not go too nuts on the gift thing. We have been trying to get them to focus more on the reason we celebrate Christmas. The birth of Jesus. The kids think it is neat that Jesus is sharing his birthday "party" with us. I know that December 25th was unlikely to be his actual birthday, my kids are way too young to understand that. I am more focused on creating traditions and memories than buying things.

Today, I had a few more loose ends to tie up so I took the little'uns and headed to St. George. I ran the few errands I had left and then went to the folks' where we headed off to dinner. Colton has now learned the fine art of straw wrapper blowing! I am so proud! We then went and looked at some lights, why is it the LED lights annoy me and hurt my eyes? But they were pretty. Then we went to the mall and met up with Santa Clause. HAHA! Coltons first experience with the big red guy. And it went as expected. This first pic is blurry because Colton had sticky hands and grabbed the lens. Then I cleaned it off and as you can tell, Colton STILL wasn't impressed.

OK, well, that makes for a perfect pic don't you think? Then the other two went on and on about their wish lists. Well Santa asked them if their rooms were clean and they told him no. He then told them that if their rooms weren't clean by the time he got there, he wasn't going to leave them any toys!

Thank-you St.Nick! Tom and I aren't holding our breath tho, but the looks on their faces was classic! We then hung out with grandparents for a while and then I came home. The kids were sleeping by the time I got back to town so I snuck up to the Griswold house and snapped some pics. Here is one but it doesn't do the house justice!

I am not kidding when I say, I got out to take the pic and the house was just radiating so much heat! He was starting to turn them off for the evening, but you get the idea.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you all have a wonderful season wherever you are. HO!HO!HO!

Christmas is almost here!

I have been battling a cold all day. One of those really nasty ones that makes your head throb. But, I will survive. After all it is just a cold right? Thanks honey! ;o) I have been holed up in my house doing absolutely nothing all day. I really hate days like this. I hate feeling like I have done absolutely nothing all day. After watching the Broncos lose to the raiders of all people, even if it is only by one point, I was pretty depressed. Tom was off teaching a gun class and I just had to get out. So, I loaded up the kiddos and went for a drive to look at Christmas lights. It was a nice evening. Clear and perfect. There is one house here that puts the Griswolds to shame. Every year we make the trek up to this house on the hill. You can see the glow from blocks away. This guy has every inch of his house and yard covered in some sort of decoration. I remember reading in the local paper once that he has to start getting the lights up in October. There is always a traffic jam in front of his house. Gotta love spirit like that! I forgot my camera, but I will take some pics and show them hopefully on Christmas Eve. It is insane what this guy does. All three of my kids said, "WOW!" when we pulled up. I came down off of the hill and went driving around neighborhoods. I saw one house that was pretty deco'd out. I slowed down in front so kids could see. I noticed some signs saying, "More in back, feel free to walk through" How fun! I pulled over, and got the kids out. It was really cool. All around the house were displays and lights. I made a mental note that we are definitely taking Tom to this. Then I came home and watched the Vikings game. That SUCKED big time. They got it handed to them. UGH! Not a good day for my football teams.

Skeeter Skitty

This is a shout out to where I live and the surrounding areas. I love it here, and it would be very hard to get me to leave willingly. All of these areas are really close to where I live. It is wonderful living in such a beautiful part of God's great world!
...Downtown Cedar City.

..Zion

.Bryce.Cedar Breaks.

Grand Canyon UROC at the rock climbs at Three Peaks and this is just down the road from me, how cool is that? There are other groups that go out there and do it, can't remember the names tho...oops!

I do love it here. It is still a small town with all of that security. But it has a lot of things the bigger towns have to make life convenient. Southern Utah University is here. (And no it isn't just a small community college, like some people think. You know who you are.) The Shakespearean festival is Tony award winning. The people are great, it is a wonderful place to raise a family. If I need to get away, I can be in Vegas or Salt Lake quite quickly and easily if I want to. And to think, just ten years ago, I couldn't wait to get out of here.

Gratitude

As a Mom, I struggle sometimes trying to balance the line between wanting to make my kids happy by giving them everything they want and not spoiling them. Well, I don't have to worry about spoiling them. They have Grandparents for that. But yes, I would like to give them whatever it is they want. Of course, I cannot afford that. I also know that they don't need to be given everything. They need to be happy and grateful for what they have. I have been trying hard to make them realize how lucky they are. Besides the disgusting amount of toys, they have parents who love them, Grandparents that adore them and a massive amount of family and friends who think the world of them. My friends and Toms friends all care a lot too. We do the typical, "Starving kids in Africa" bit when they don't want to eat what they are given. We try to get them to give their toys and clothes that they have grown out of to charity. Recently on a trip to the store, the Salvation Army was out ringing their bells. I thought, "This might be a good chance to see if they understand what we have been trying to tell them." Before we got out of the car I looked at Chloe and Dylan. I said, "You see those people ringing the bells? They are trying to collect money so that they can give help to people who are struggling. They don't have food, or clothes and a lot of the kids don't have toys." They peered over at them. I then handed them each a couple dollars and said, "Here is some money. You can buy a treat, play in the game room, or you can give it to those people and put it in the red kettle." We got out of the car and walked up to the front. I was so pleased that they both, without hesitation, put their money in the kettle. I was pretty proud of them and then Dylan told the bell ringer, "Merry Christmas!" Of course Chloe had to say it too. I was even happier when yesterday Dylan asked if they could take the money they have been saving and give it to the people at the store so that they can buy food for people. Moments like that make me think that I may be doing a thing or two right.

Hair

Last night, I wanted to calm down a little so I hit the liquor cabinet. Due to the fact that I don't drink that often I should have stopped early. After having a few I noticed a box of hair dye I had gotten to touch up my hair. Bright idea! Drink enough alcohol to where you can barely put a full sentence together and then dye your hair! Well, I don't recall the details but I do remember thinking, "I don't want to mess with the roots, lets do the whole thing!" So I slather on a whole bottle of bleach blond hair color and then leave it on for a half an hour. I go wash it out, dry it and don't really look at it. Get up this morning and walk out to greet the hubby who stops dead in his tracks. "Your hair. Its....(chuckle) white!" Remembering what I had done the night before I go in and see that my hair is in fact, white. I have spent all darn day trying to get used to it. It isn't working. I decide to snap some pics to show off to the world, nothing like a little humiliation. But trust me these pics aren't even touching how overly processed my hair is. Ugh. I ask Tom, "Why did you let me do this?!?!?!" He laughs and says, "Like I have any control over ANYTHING you do!"
Getting the the courage to even take these pictures took a couple more drinks, but I did it, to make my 'friends' happy. While in the bathroom snapping the pics I was frustrated cause I look like hell! I look like a bargain basement hooker! Maybe I should go walk Hollywood BLVD!!! UGH. My kids found me and insisted that they wanted to be in some pics too. So, here we all are. First of course is me and Chloe, I look like a total ice princess but whatever. Anything to make my kiddos happy right?

Well after Chloe snapped a bunch with me, Dylan showed up. I had gotten after him over something totally boyish that he did, but trust me it was disgusting. So he was mad and crying. But he is still such a handsome little man. And then finally we have Mr. Colton who loves the camera. And I think the camera loves him back. so there, you all have the story of me and my idiotic attempt at hair coloring. You can all stop laughing now. I look CHEAP!! ;o)

Choca Mewlk and cackas!

I was in the laundry room doing laundry when I noticed our cat and dog who were wrestling had knocked over the baby gate leading into the kitchen. "Oh well, I can fix it when I am done here." Unfortunately I didn't notice my little monster had gone in there and found the chocolate milk powder and a box of crackers and dug in! This is in addition to the juice in his bottle. Yuck! It wouldn't be so bad but I had just finished scrubbing my floor. But I walked in and he said in an enthusiastic voice..."HI MOM!" I had to laugh. How can I get angry with that? So I brought out the camera and snapped some photos. Of course Colton is such a ham and had to yell "Cheese!" I swear, I am still chuckling. kids are the greatest. I am so glad I have them.

People

Today I went to the store, and then got in line to check out. It was quite busy so I knew no matter what I was going to be there awhile. I ended up behind a very fat family. Not trying to be judgemental but all 4 of them were HUGE. I glanced at their cart and all I could see were frozen-foods, meals in a box and other processed items. I thought to myself 'no wonder.' No where was there to be found fresh veggies or fruit or even basics such as flour to make things at home from scratch. I tried to justify it by thinking that maybe they have those items already or they were going somewhere else. Give them the benefit of the doubt. I decided to quit gawking and try to look somewhere else. The Mom then started up a conversation with me. She said they would probably be done with all of that within 3 days. And their cart was practically busting at the seams. She told me that she would like to eat better but it is too hard and expensive to cook from scratch when you can get a totinos pizza for 1.25. And there are coupons! I just smiled and said that I liked to cook from scratch as much as I can, it is something I love to do. I just kept thinking that she was nuts and that she was killing her kids. Yea the easy stuff may be cheaper but the benefits to spending a little more are much, MUCH better. I don't know why I am even talking about this. Probably because it has stuck with me all evening. I am by no means the picture of health at the moment, even tho I am getting there..hehe. But even in my fattest of times, I was eating a lot better than that. I ate and still do eat a lot of fresh veggies and fruit. (I LOATHE cooked vegetables.) I love to cook and make as much as I can from scratch. Lucky for the hubby! And yes, I buy the junk once in a while but for the most part I try to make sure what we eat is beneficial to us. I just had to say something, that's what blogs are for right?

Do you have songs that mean something to you? Music that reminds you of a certain time, person, place, event? I do. I have lots of them. Songs that when they come on the radio I think of whatever it is that is connected in my head to that song. Even Christmas songs have a meaning or two to me. "The Little Drummer Boy" and "Do you hear what I hear" remind me of road trips to Wyoming for Christmas because I remember hearing those songs. "Up on the Housetop" and "Silver Bells" remind me of when I was a kid at Washington Elementary. "Away in a Manger" and "Silent Night" remind me of my Church Christmas pageants. But the one that has the most affect on me is "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing." When I was a kid our Sunday School would go caroling every year to the home bound church members and those in the care center. While at the care center we were visiting Jim Stallsmith. He was very sick and just looked so painful. We sang that song to him and his roommate. In the middle of the song Jims wife, Marion, got up and a slew of nurses came running in. We were told to get out immediately. We all filed out of the room and a few minutes later a lady that was escorting our caroling group came around the corner and told us that he had died. He had died in the middle of us singing! As a kid, it doesn't matter what people say to make you feel better, it freaks you out! To this day, whenever I hear that song, I think of Jim in that bed. That image is still as clear as the day we went there. Talk about traumatizing!

BZZZ!

So, my blond moment for this week. (This will make you wonder how I managed to even make it thru high school, let alone college!) Frightening thing is that this really happened, and if I really want to make the hubby laugh all I do is bring it up! (This or I remind him of the time he was talking to me and I rolled over and right off the bed.) My TV was on the fritz and me being the super-mom had to get it working! I noticed that the cable plug was dirty. Without thinking, I ahem...licked the end of the cable. (Yes the metal part. ) It was a 'shocking' experience. All I can say is kids, don't try this at home. And a pic that I am sure most of you have seen, how pumpkin pies are really made:

Mommy Love

Is there anything better than spending fun time with your kids? I know I complain sometimes but the truth is, for me there is nothing in the world that compares to them. Today we baked chocolate chip cookies, sang songs together, played outside, browsed the aisles at Wal-Mart for gift ideas and then had fun with my camera. Such simple things that mean the world to me. I want them to remember their childhood like that. As a Mom I question my capabilities and every decision I make. I wonder sometimes if God made the right choice giving me these wonderful creatures. Sure that some of you other parents out there feel the same way. What brought on this sappy sweet post from a woman that doesn't have a lot of sensitivity in her? Just what I said before. The simple joys we experienced together. Melts even my heart, and when your child looks at you and says, "You are so much fun Mom! I love you!" Well there you go. (Still would like to duct-tape them sometimes.) I didn't intend to be in any pictures but I had told my kids that they could snap some pics, but I ended up being the main subject. Of course I am critical of how I look but even I have to admit that these turned out decent. Just wished I would have fixed myself up a bit. But what do you do right? On a sad note, my Great-Uncle Les is on deaths door it seems. He is the last one alive out of my Grandpas siblings. I don't know him that well, but it is still sad to think an entire generation of Herruds are gone. I did talk to him the Christmas of 2007 right after my Grandfather died, (two year anniversary of his death tomorrow,) he sounded so much like my Grandpa that it kind of creeped me out! Hopefully it happens easy for Les.

Ho!Ho!Ho!

Ah Christmas time is upon us and I have FINALLY got all my decos up, well those that will go up this year. I got my lights on and garland, then I had to wait for my kids to get home from school because I pinky swore, knuckle punched that I would let them put the ornaments on. They didn't do too bad. They did ask (more like demand) for some Christmas music and so I took my new Eric Dodge Christmas CD and popped it in the player. It is an awesome CD and I couldn't help but sing along. Good thing that no one was around! Here is a pic of them next to their finished product! You can't really see the ornaments, but there are a ton of them on there. I actually have a 'theme' to it. I love anything rustic. So there are a ton of moose, bear, fish(ing), cabin items. On top of that to add to the outdoorsy theme, I bought a lot of the wreath pics that were on sale really cheap and then simply attached them to my tree. So

there are pine cones, berries and such on there too. It really does look awesome in person. I normally don't put color lights but every year I catch it from hubby and kids cause I never do them anymore. So, this year I found a couple of strings of those bulb color lights and threw them on. Now everyone is happy and it does look kind neat with both the white and colors.

Then there is my favorite part of my Christmas decos, my village. I don't have a LOT of houses, but it is perfect for the top of my piano. (Yeah right in front of my wedding display photos). I just love villages because they look so old fashioned. I love things that take me back to a simpler time. There is just something about it that makes me smile.

I know that I said this last year, but I am going to try one more time, I am going to have a good Christmas. The last two years SUCKED last year we were all sick, I mean REALLY sick, and then the power went out. The year before that my uncle and my Grandpa died. So that was no fun. This year is going to be my year dang it!

Christmas lights suck

OK , yeah, I know that is a catchy title, but I will explain later. First off I want to let those of you that were asking know, what happened at the meeting we had with the specialists at Dylan's school. It was a meeting with two specialists, Dylan's teacher (Mrs. Miller) and us. We were shown some assessments done of Dylan and I was pleasantly surprised to see that he is scoring either at or above his level in everything. The key is, that he wasn't under any pressure to keep up with other students and take his time. The knowledge is all there but pulling it out of him is the hard part. He is not "disabled" or in need of special education. Whew. But the lady was surprised that I wasn't jumping up and down all excited. I don't want my kid to have special needs, but he needs something and I want to know what. Our game plan now is to give him just a little extra help to keep him on track and take some of the pressure off of him (more time, fewer problems, etc.) Everyone agrees that he will grow into himself and all will be OK. (AND YAY NO AUTISM!!!) Thanks to all of you for your emails and notes of support. I so appreciate it. I need to be reminded that I am not a failure and you keep me feeling positive. Nice to know I have some people who really care and who they are.

As far as the Christmas light thing goes, ugh, I quit putting it off and finally got started on the Decorations today. I have a fake tree but I wasn't smart enough to buy the prelit kind. Two years ago, (cause last year we had a real tree,) I asked the hubby to take the tree out to the garage cause I didn't want to take off the lights and next time I could just plug it in and not have to worry about it. But rather than taking it out the sliding glass door and through the garage door he decided to haul it through our laundry room through the narrow walk way and regular doors into the garage. Of course this knocked off half of the lights and screwed up my tree. MEN! He didn't want to walk through the snow. Well WAAAHH..sheesh. Fast Forward to this Christmas season and I have to untangle and remove all the lights and put them back on. I am meticulous about the lights on my tree, call it OCD. They have to be perfect. So finally, I was dreading this, I undid and redid my tree. (After moving the piano by myself, I am one tough chick!). Took me 2 hours and yes I managed to tangle myself up, but the lights are finally on. I will finish my decorating tomorrow.

Today I was messing around with my play list for this blog. When I was done I found that I had over 60 songs from all over the genre board. I guess I am just indecisive when it comes to music. These are songs I enjoy and/or mean something to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I am always listening to something. I admit there is quite a bit of country, I am a product of where I live I guess. Tends to be what is all over the radio. There are a lot more that I would like to put on here, but unfortunately playlist doesn't have them...yet. If you have any suggestions please shoot them my way. Favorite Song? One you think I would like? One that makes you think of me? Let me know.

Thank-you!!

I started this blog in May when Colton had his seizures to keep you all updated on his progress. I have kept it going because it is an easy way to let you all know what is going on in my life and my thoughts about various subjects. My counter is now above 3300 hits! That is awesome. It may not seem like much to some, but to a frumpy old unremarkable housewife in Cedar City, Utah like myself it says that there are enough people interested for me to keep it going. I appreciate all of the feedback and discussions that you have given. I get the bulk of my feedback in the form of emails and p.m.. Also reactions are posted on my facebook wall. I love all feedback both from those who agree with me and disagree. Everyone has been respectful. Just so you all know, you do not have to be a registered user to post a comment here. Please feel free to post comments on here to whatever you have an opinion on. You can even be anonymous if you like. Tho, be careful with that, I will delete your post if I feel like you are being outright rude or just plain nasty. I am the first to defend freedom of speech, but even I have limits. I would love to see and be involved with discussions from all sides.

I got a call from the special ed director at Dylan's school. The Autism specialist spent time with Dylan today. The good news is that there is no indication of any kind of Autism. Whew!! He said that Dylan is quite intelligent for his age. Seems, tho, that his problem is his emotional maturity. He barely made the cutoff for school when he was in kindergarten, so he is one of the youngest in his class. They indicated that his maturity level is one grade lower than the grade he is actually in. They all say that he is very smart but gets frustrated. I (and maybe Tom) will be meeting with the school tomorrow to see what we can do. They suggested that when it comes time for the end of level testing, that they will take him to another classroom with only a couple of kids in it and let him take his tests without the pressure of a time limit. He can take as long as he needs. He tends to get upset because he overanalyzes his own work and sees that the other students are finishing a lot quicker than he is. Which makes it worse. We will talk about motivations and what we need to do. I will keep you updated on that.

And to end, I have gotten some website and video references from an old college friend of mine. HeyDave! (sorry but whenever I think of you that is the first thought that comes to mind.) We were discussing them via my facebook wall and email. These media items discuss liberty and where this country is going. I am sorting thru the piles of information that it all has and hopefully I can give my thoughts on them in the next couple of days. I love thought provoking anything, and what he has sent me is definitely that. Thanks Dave!

Silver Minivans

Yea, two blogs in one day. Just thought I would share with you my blond moment for the week. Still it doesn't top the Me vs Cow incident on Thanksgivings blog, but you should at least get a smile out of this one. I went to the grocery store and did what I needed to do. The bag kid asked if he could help me and I said, "I will be fine, unless you really really want to." He said he would like to get outside for a minute and helped me out. We walk up to the van and I hit the unlock button on my key chain. Nothing. I hit it again. Nothing again. I look inside and it looks like mine. So I insert my key in the lock. The alarm goes off. I hit the off button on my key chain and it doesn't work. The kid that is helping me says, "Ma'am" (DAMMIT I AM NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE CALLED THAT YET!!!) and I look at him as he is pointing at the next aisle over. There, sits another minivan honking. Its mine. (The off button to my alarm is also my panic button) I had managed to try to break in to someones car. By now my helper is laughing uncontrollably, which makes me kind of chuckle too. So we scurry over to mine hoping that no one really notices and load up and I get the hell out of there. The thing that gets me about this? I manage to do this same thing at least every three months. Who knew there were so many silver Dodge Grand Caravans in Cedar City?

Pickle

Dylan (Pickle) is my 8 year old son. He is one of the sweetest creatures God put on this earth. He is very sensitive, full of imagination, and gives the best hugs in the world. He just wants everyone to be happy. He is struggling in school. It has been this way since Kindergarten. Luckily his school has a lot of resources and people who are trying so hard to figure out how to make his time there better. We (the school and I and Tom) have been trying everything we can think of to help him. He has been tested over and over and over again for a lot of things. One thing they have noticed is that when he can focus, he is at or above his level. Which makes me feel better. Yet he can NOT focus on his work. His teacher practically has to stand behind him and tell him to keep working. Really, she shouldn't have to do that. He goes to reading centers and they all say that when he is one on one with the tutor, he does quite well. If someone else comes into the picture he gets frustrated, just breaks down and gets so upset to the point he sometimes cries. We were hoping that he would grow into himself and get to a place he is comfortable with in his learning and then go from there. It hasn't happened. Now he is in the third grade and we just can't wait any longer.

They are going to test him for high functioning autism. I got that call yesterday. That lady drives me nuts. She is nice and all, but when she talks to me it is like she is talking to a complete imbecile. She kept saying that she was trying to explain things in a way that I might understand. Despite the fact that I kept telling her that I fully understood she kept talking to me like I had the IQ of an eggplant. I gave permission to test, hung up the phone and just started crying. I feel like I should be able to help him, and I am a huge failure as a Mom. It wasn't so much that they are testing him for this it is that they are running MORE tests. I want to help him enjoy school so much and the further we go the more he grows distant from the love of learning that I had hoped my kids would have. And for crying out loud, this is the kind of thing I studied in school! But then if specialists can't pinpoint it, I guess I shouldn't be expected to either.

It is hard for me to get him to do his homework, I know, all kids are that way. But when I sit with him to help him I have to struggle to keep from growing impatient. I can't count how many times I have said, "Dylan, focus" "Dylan keep working" "Dylan sit still" "Dylan come on you are almost done". I have tried everything I can think of to motivate him. We have even gone as far as shutting off our satellite service, so there isn't so much of a distraction for him. That does seem to help.

I am grateful that he does have it in him. All of the specialists have said, "I can tell you, you have one VERY smart little boy." I know I do. I have heard him, when he isn't under pressure, and watched him when he thinks no one is around. I just hope this next test will be his last.